Venting Why can’t people leave you alone if you decide to become a recluse?

[Journeytoletgo]

Can someone explain what is peoples obsession with checking in on you? Why do they do this when clearly they want to be left alone?

 

[friendofbirds]

we are a social species in the most literal sense of the word. human beings only succeeded because of cooperation, essentially. even neanderthals took care of eachother in old age and in disability. you are being social right now by posting about this on a public forum that other people can read and respond to.

it is hard to see objectively, but it is a good thing that people are checking in on you. that means you have some kind of support system who care about you, no matter what you object to. some people ctb because no one cares about them enough to check.

for the record, i am genuinely not trying to shame or condescend to you. i am simply trying to offer another perspective. i hope you find some peace whatever you decide.

 

[unredeemable]

It's like we're laying down a challenge for them to try and get through to us. Uh, no. Leave me TF alone is really what I meant.

And for fucks sake don't take it personally, either. You, the pope or the man in the moon. I want to hear from no one, but I may as well be speaking gibberish.

 

[lessonlearned]

i agree im not doing anything to bother anyone, i wanna be left alone. people ask why im quiet yet i get hurt by those same people..why would i talk if it's to humans that i can't stand..

 

[chocolatebar]

In my experience, it's worse to say nothing or state that we want to be left alone, because people may come even closer or refuse to go. A simple evasive and gentle reply works nice in these cases.

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very frustrating and the way that I see it, they simply do not understand how you feel. They think that what they are doing is for the best. I think that many people who enjoy spending time around others cannot possibly understand how anyone would choose to spend their life alone.

 

[Still Flutter Girl]

I think some see it as a challenge, and some are openly trying to gaslight others.

The same that harass people that say they want to be left alone would also leave those people alone if they said they needed help and attention (at least, that’s been my experience).

 

[SleepyBB]

I've been checking on my dad since he became really reclusive because I love him and I would feel awful if i didn't reach out and he took his own life. Though I wish he shared the same view about me

 

[24601]

we are a social species in the most literal sense of the word. human beings only succeeded because of cooperation, essentially. even neanderthals took care of eachother in old age and in disability. you are being social right now by posting about this on a public forum that other people can read and respond to.

it is hard to see objectively, but it is a good thing that people are checking in on you. that means you have some kind of support system who care about you, no matter what you object to. some people ctb because no one cares about them enough to check.

for the record, i am genuinely not trying to shame or condescend to you. i am simply trying to offer another perspective. i hope you find some peace whatever you decide.

A very refreshing perspective. Although my story differs I really like your point of view. Thank you.

 

[Rd2nowhere]

I live a reclusive lifestyle. I am agoraphobic. I am terrified to leave my house. I am unable to retrieve my mail during the day. The mailbox is one foot from my door. Recently, a friend has been gathering my mail and bringing it into the house.

I wasn’t like this several years ago. I use to host gatherings and go on outings. It was covid that pushed a button in my brain to become this way. Or better said triggered something in my head.

Being alone is very difficult. I have people who check in with me. They understand my struggle and stress. They tend to send notes, texts, and the occasional phone call. I appreciate them as I miss my old self and contemplate living.

Reclusive living is not a blessing. As mentioned above humans are social beings. We need interaction and stimulation from others. I feel my brain turning against me.

However if this is a choice for you to become a recluse. There are many resources that will aid the lifestyle. I do suggest being subtle and gentle to those who want to continue to be in your life. Eventually they disappear and go about their own lives.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you think they know how low you feel and are worried about you? Not sure if their motivation is from a place of care, fear that you might do something and they will feel guilty if they haven't tried to reach out, or just plain nosiness.

Not sure. I guess it's kind of nice they give enough of a shit to try and keep in touch with you.

Although, being pretty much a recluse myself, I can understand how much it must impose on your privacy and irritate you. Would it be better or worse if no-one bothered you again?

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

Well... I think it's a paradox of sorts but, thinking the best possibility, that means some of those people might truly care about you, and are checking out from time to time to let you know you're loved or at least liked by them. As a bit of advice (I don't mean to manipulate you, I swear upon my life), tell them you feel bad, but you'll always think of them, and as soon as you get better you will talk once more to them for long periods. If you don't... There's a chance those messages will slowly decrease, until they won't talk to you anymore... Speaking from personal experiences, don't fully isolate yourself until it's too late, as sometimes... Almost no one will wait forever for another person, and eventually they'll move on. Don't wait until that point, because that's when regret kicks in u_u

 

[AloneInCollege]

I'm the opposite a bit. I wish someone I know would reach out. They never do.

 

[Foresight]

I just double down and cut the people out who are bothering me about it.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

A part of me hates that we are social creatures. I really wish I could just be left alone.

 

[Medium Trainee]

I think the meaning of being social has changed. In the past being social was like knowing 10 people very well in a small village, and able to handle all the moral calculation by heart. Today to go out do something simple one probably has to interact with a dozen of not very close people and pass by many more strangers.

The typical people in the past are now called introverts. They are actually very social with people they know well, but find being surrounded by strangers exhausting.