BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
I always felt lost I think like a square peg in a round hole, like I had the ones I loved taken because I wasnt worthy of them.
They could have had so much better, and then I lost all my roles wife, mother, and job gone in 3 yrs.
So, I am just surplus to demands now.
Wondering or wandering I seem to be lost either way lol
:hug: I’m sorry you lost so much in such a short space of time. I’m always here if you need a friendly ear.
 
wanderinglost

wanderinglost

Member
Mar 22, 2020
77
:hug: I’m sorry you lost so much in such a short space of time. I’m always here if you need a friendly ear.
Thank you, you are very kind.
it was a decade ago now, time does heal it is true but it leaves painful scars that raise up now and then .
Gosh how time flies
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
Thank you, you are very kind.
it was a decade ago now, time does heal it is true but it leaves painful scars that raise up now and then .
Gosh how time flies
Yes time does fly. I lost my mum almost two years ago now. I don’t speak to the rest of my family. I’ve not been the same since I lost my beloved Grandfather to Duodenal cancer at the age of 9 years old. He was only in his 67 year. My mum also died in her 60s. Loss is painful and lonely.
 
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wanderinglost

wanderinglost

Member
Mar 22, 2020
77
Yes time does fly. I lost my mum almost two years ago now. I don’t speak to the rest of my family. I’ve not been the same since I lost my beloved Grandfather to Duodenal cancer at the age of 9 years old. He was only in his 67 year. My mum also died in her 60s. Loss is painful and lonely.
I am so sorry for your losses... cancer takes so many more now it seems
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
I am so sorry for your losses... cancer takes so many more now it seems
Yes it does. My Grandmother also died of Oesophageal cancer. I’m glad I stopped smoking because that’s what contributed to her developing cancer. And thank you, I should have said that first. I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone. My Grandads cancer started out with an Ulcer. In the 1980s they would remove part of the stomach to get rid of it. It Mastitised. He didn’t make it. He was my Hero. He helped sink the Bismarck. In the 2nd world war. He was also an orphan. I really do miss him.
Because I'm tired of suffering. That's what brought me here.
:hug: Hug from me to you. You are free to PM me if you need a chat.
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,516
I was Mr2004 but got locked out of my account and had to start again. 2004 was when my problems started and 2005 is where they should have ended. I remember it like yesterday and the stupidity of not doing it not knowing it was suicide. I hope I don't have to change my name again because 2006 and every subsequent year mean nothing to me, my life was over. 2004/2005 trigger so much pain
 
A

Angkorian

why am i still here
Apr 6, 2020
494
cuz no one told me life was gonna be this way
 
wanderinglost

wanderinglost

Member
Mar 22, 2020
77
Yes it does. My Grandmother also died of Oesophageal cancer. I’m glad I stopped smoking because that’s what contributed to her developing cancer. And thank you, I should have said that first. I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone. My Grandads cancer started out with an Ulcer. In the 1980s they would remove part of the stomach to get rid of it. It Mastitised. He didn’t make it. He was my Hero. He helped sink the Bismarck. In the 2nd world war. He was also an orphan. I really do miss him
It took my daughter 3 years after her dad (he was lost in Afghan to an IED), frontal brain tumor medulloepithelioma diagnosed when she woke up blind one morning she was 6.
they removed enough to help her see again but it was as big as an egg, no tip toeing around they told me she was terminal and she died a couple of weeks after her last session of radiotherapy ....just turned 8, so it was 18 months of hell but she was so strong, even planned her own funeral. no black allowed. This world is hell I like to think shes somewhere somehow with her Daddy.
My turn next...
 
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almaranthine

almaranthine

Student
Nov 28, 2019
167
you're most welcome. I just gag with happiness whenever I get a chance to talk about my Arachnids and Arthropods. It's because they saved my life. I get a bit carried away.
a part of me wants people to see the Spiders beauty and dispel myths about them. I used to be Arachnophobic hardcore, and I know that a lot of people are Arachnophobic so I'll respect that. :hug:
yeah Spiders eyes can be a bit scary, especially when they glow in the presence of light, so I know what you mean. They are very elegant when they walk. They all have personalities too. Some are angels, some are complete demons, but I still love them. Lol! They do command respect. Especially the more defensive/ aggressive Tarantulas.
I once had a porch spider friend. She was a brown widow that cleverly hid every time my mom hosed down the porch. I used to smoke, so I would spend my mornings outside with my coffee, watching the spider. One time I watched her take down a baby lizard and essentially mummify it’s body. It appeared that she also drained its blood. I was honestly amazed by this creature and ended up naming her Volumnia. Unfortunately, I stupidly told my mom about the spider. She heard “widow” and proceeded to freak out. I expressed my fondness of the spider, after watching over it for so long and told her if it really bothered her I would catch it and release it outside. She decided to instead kill it behind my back. We got in a huge fight afterward and she actually ended up telling me I needed to move out. I understand becoming attached to one- it can be cathartic to watch them after you release yourself from fear.
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
It took my daughter 3 years after her dad (he was lost in Afghan to an IED), frontal brain tumor medulloepithelioma diagnosed when she woke up blind one morning she was 6.
they removed enough to help her see again but it was as big as an egg, no tip toeing around they told me she was terminal and she died a couple of weeks after her last session of radiotherapy ....just turned 8, so it was 18 months of hell but she was so strong, even planned her own funeral. no black allowed. This world is hell I like to think shes somewhere somehow with her Daddy.
My turn next...
:hug: Sorry I’ve just seen your message. I had to retire for the night. I’m in Britain so time zones. I hope you don’t think I was being rude.
Im so sorry to hear about your daughter and boyfriend. They both sounded like truly awesome strong people. Yes this world is nasty and hellish. My uncle died of a brain tumour. I understand and empathise completely
I once had a porch spider friend. She was a brown widow that cleverly hid every time my mom hosed down the porch. I used to smoke, so I would spend my mornings outside with my coffee, watching the spider. One time I watched her take down a baby lizard and essentially mummify it’s body. It appeared that she also drained its blood. I was honestly amazed by this creature and ended up naming her Volumnia. Unfortunately, I stupidly told my mom about the spider. She heard “widow” and proceeded to freak out. I expressed my fondness of the spider, after watching over it for so long and told her if it really bothered her I would catch it and release it outside. She decided to instead kill it behind my back. We got in a huge fight afterward and she actually ended up telling me I needed to move out. I understand becoming attached to one- it can be cathartic to watch them after you release yourself from fear.
Hi I’ve just seen your message. I’m in Britain and time zones are different. I had to go to bed. Ah I have got 2 False widow spiders. Your Brown widow sounded so cool. What a queen! Disclaimer! Grossness ahead!!! .....Yes they inject paralysing enzymes into the prey item and turn the insides to soup, I know it’s gross but I guess that’s the only way they can eat. Tarantulas have been known to occasionally eat birds, lizards, mice etc! Opportunistic hunters! I’m sorry your mum killed your Brown widow buddy. Spiders are great to watch! I think your mum had a primal fear responce and that’s what propelled her to kill. RIP Mrs “badass” widow! My Tarantula Sakura, also deceased was a cutie! She would sunbathe on the top of her hide in summer! The hide was half a flower pot. She was really docile and I could gently flip her over onto her back on my hand, and she would lay in my palm with her legs on the air. Totally gentle and placid. I miss that little lady. :heart:
 
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almaranthine

almaranthine

Student
Nov 28, 2019
167
:hug: Sorry I’ve just seen your message. I had to retire for the night. I’m in Britain so time zones. I hope you don’t think I was being rude.
Im so sorry to hear about your daughter and boyfriend. They both sounded like truly awesome strong people. Yes this world is nasty and hellish. My uncle died of a brain tumour. I understand and empathise completely

Hi I’ve just seen your message. I’m in Britain and time zones are different. I had to go to bed. Ah I have got 2 False widow spiders. Your Brown widow sounded so cool. What a queen! Disclaimer! Grossness ahead!!! .....Yes they inject paralysing enzymes into the prey item and turn the insides to soup, I know it’s gross but I guess that’s the only way they can eat. Tarantulas have been known to occasionally eat birds, lizards, mice etc! Opportunistic hunters! I’m sorry your mum killed your Brown widow buddy. Spiders are great to watch! I think your mum had a primal fear responce and that’s what propelled her to kill. RIP Mrs “badass” widow! My Tarantula Sakura, also deceased was a cutie! She would sunbathe on the top of her hide in summer! The hide was half a flower pot. She was really docile and I could gently flip her over onto her back on my hand, and she would lay in my palm with her legs on the air. Totally gentle and placid. I miss that little lady. :heart:
Yeah I had explained to my mom that she wasn’t poisonous in the way that a black widow was. I told her it was unlikely that the spider would even bite, as the species is timid and rarely attacks unless threatened. Despite all this, and letting her know that the spider cannot inject enough venom into a human to cause issues, she still reacted badly. Most people don’t particularly like spiders, but “poisonous” ones really initiate a fear response.

It sounds like Sakura was a great pet; I’m glad you got to enjoy her. Do you have any other spiders that are sweet like she was?
 
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wanderinglost

wanderinglost

Member
Mar 22, 2020
77
:hug: Sorry I’ve just seen your message. I had to retire for the night. I’m in Britain so time zones. I hope you don’t think I was being rude.
Im so sorry to hear about your daughter and boyfriend. They both sounded like truly awesome strong people. Yes this world is nasty and hellish. My uncle died of a brain tumour. I understand and empathise completely

Hi I’ve just seen your message. I’m in Britain and time zones are different. I had to go to bed. Ah I have got 2 False widow spiders. Your Brown widow sounded so cool. What a queen! Disclaimer! Grossness ahead!!! .....Yes they inject paralysing enzymes into the prey item and turn the insides to soup, I know it’s gross but I guess that’s the only way they can eat. Tarantulas have been known to occasionally eat birds, lizards, mice etc! Opportunistic hunters! I’m sorry your mum killed your Brown widow buddy. Spiders are great to watch! I think your mum had a primal fear responce and that’s what propelled her to kill. RIP Mrs “badass” widow! My Tarantula Sakura, also deceased was a cutie! She would sunbathe on the top of her hide in summer! The hide was half a flower pot. She was really docile and I could gently flip her over onto her back on my hand, and she would lay in my palm with her legs on the air. Totally gentle and placid. I miss that little lady. :heart:
Noooooo need to apologise I have been called a vampire for my being nocturnal and I too am in the UK but everyone has to rest at some point I just do not take my own advice, its totally cool <3

I have also fallen asleep on my keyboard but that was a long time ago in my youth
*may contain fibs*
 
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BlackPoppet

BlackPoppet

Wise woman and Celtic sky person
Mar 7, 2020
991
Yeah I had explained to my mom that she wasn’t poisonous in the way that a black widow was. I told her it was unlikely that the spider would even bite, as the species is timid and rarely attacks unless threatened. Despite all this, and letting her know that the spider cannot inject enough venom into a human to cause issues, she still reacted badly. Most people don’t particularly like spiders, but “poisonous” ones really initiate a fear response.

It sounds like Sakura was a great pet; I’m glad you got to enjoy her. Do you have any other spiders that are sweet like she was?
Aw thank you! Sakura was adorable! She would stick one of he legs out to be tickled as well. Bless her!
Yeah I have Varys.... She is a Chaco golden knee from Uruguay/ Paraguay/ Argentina. She’s really funny and likes running around on my bed. I tap a part of the duvet and she comes running over, I tap another part of the duvet and she comes running over.I haven’t played with her for a while because her irritating hairs got right into my hands and drove me mad with itching. Tarantulas have 4 types of barbed urticating hairs, it varies from species to species. They are used for defence in New world species. Eirinen my Mexican red leg is docile too.
Yeah my dad hates all types of spiders. He won’t listen when I told him that spiders only bite when threatened. My Noble false widows have gotten a bad rep in England too. They have been known to eat Black widows. They are accused of some unnecessary heinous things like killing people and what not. I think only one False widow I keep is a Steatoda nobilis.... the other one is a Steatoda grossa. Oh I forgot my Chilean rose Tarantula Naima “ Chilli pepper” is a naughty madam but she can be docile too.
Noooooo need to apologise I have been called a vampire for my being nocturnal and I too am in the UK but everyone has to rest at some point I just do not take my own advice, its totally cool <3

I have also fallen asleep on my keyboard but that was a long time ago in my youth
*may contain fibs*
Lol! Yeah my boyfriend has to get me to go to bed. He’s like “ hadn’t you better go to bed now... you won’t sleep if you don’t go to bed” I think I have inverted cortisol levels. I have a sleep disorder. I have to take meds to put me to sleep. I lost the ability to sleep when I was 21. I’m 42 now.
I’m in London but I’m originally from Bristol. I’ve lived in London for 22 years.
 
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Never Free

Never Free

Student
Feb 6, 2019
177
I chose mine, because suicide isn’t effectively legal where I live. I was sectioned for almost succeeding. I want to so bad, but am afraid of the modern day asylums. Am trying to get Refeeding Syndrome now. All so far is non lethal but miserable symptoms. Know I could end up with permanent damage anyways. Only cements I need to succeed. That’s where my name comes from, because I’m never free. Am trapped here.
“The loss of liberty to a generous mind is worse than death” ~Alexander Hamilton
 
itsamadworld

itsamadworld

i wanna die somewhere like up there
Mar 15, 2020
410
It's a mad world is a song. It's not my favorite song, but it's how i see the world. I have had a lot of intense experiences, some I have stated on ss, some not.
 
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patheticpartner

-
May 4, 2020
101
I chose my username because I was looking for a partner to ctb with, and I am pathetic.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
17,665
It’s an anagram of a username I’m more known for using with the added ironic bonus of having the word “Doctor” in it because I hate doctors lol.
 
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kitch

kitch

Member
Jan 4, 2021
97
I called myself Kitch because I was so appalled at the whole idea when I first read about it , (and it's about more than 'stuff' I guess)and I chose this transcendental masterpiece as an avatar because it's the very opposite of kitsch .
( or is it ?) Miffed I didn't spell it like that with an s , but hey , somehow fitting .

edit to add: and that last sentence doesn't make sense either . Also OK.
 
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ARW3N

ARW3N

Melancholia
Dec 25, 2019
306
Arwen Undómiel reciprocated Aragorn's love, and on the mound of Cerin Amroth they committed themselves to marry each other. In making that choice, Arwen gave up the Elvish immortality available to her as a daughter of Elrond and agreed to remain in Middle-earth instead of traveling to the Undying Lands.
 
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Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,513
I changed it to Nymph cause I like those cool creatures. Faeries and alike are cool
 
StateOfMind

StateOfMind

Liberty or Death
Apr 30, 2020
1,197
With the right state of mind one can achieve some incredible things.
This includes attaining a good life but is not limited to a successful suicide.
 
MrBlue

MrBlue

Arcanist
Jul 1, 2020
417
I chose my username for 2 main reasons. The day after my first major attempt I had to try and cover the bruising on my neck, but someone at uni saw it. She nonchalantly, almost judgementally said "you look blue" and carried on as if nothing ever happened.

It's also from the ending song from Bojack Horseman, which captured the feeling I've had since I was 16 that everyone's left me and I'm stuck falling behind and disconnected.
 
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Burner1234

Member
Jul 26, 2022
73
Because this is a burner throwaway account in case I decide to finally abandon ship.
 
KQuotientW

KQuotientW

Blargh... I'm done. Just can't anymore.
Jul 17, 2022
123
Just popped into my head. Unlikely to have already been taken. KW has some significance which I won't share here, but it ties in with a little maths and suicide humour. Imma nerd.
 
C

chloramine

Student
Apr 18, 2022
131
I had planned to die using chloramine gas. At the time I was on edge and depressed and my whole category of safety had been very recently shattered so I wasn’t putting any real thought into a name. It’s still my emergency backup plan too.
 
lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,284
It's my fav song from purity ring. Lofticries means cries from up above.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Wish that I was gone.
Sep 24, 2020
13,307
My username is named after Funeral Cry by Dark Sanctuary which is my favourite piece of music.
 
I need peace

I need peace

The past is never dead, it's not even past.
Mar 28, 2022
141
It's self explanatory, I need peace from everything, therefore I set the name to "I need peace"
I'm not creative