Aug 6, 2020
I was poor once before but I was happy, I had friends, I went off made money and became lost, I'm now poor again but without friends, I'd like money to get away and never look back but can't make anything work anymore so I'm stuck miserable.


It's time to go home.
Jul 30, 2021
No one who suddenly has a huge amount of responsibility and influence ever chooses to. Very few people are equipped to handle it, when all eyes are suddenly on you, people idolize and worship you, out of nowhere, when, to yourself, you're as much yourself as those people are to themselves, as people can't see themselves in the eyes of others, and no one who hasn't experienced extreme responsibility for many people, many of whom are vulnerable, can really judge what this does to a person, especially as everyone handles and processes things, mentally and emotionally, the way they do, and that's never universal. People who create art don't tend to sit down one day and decide 'I want to become a famous artist' - they do it because there is a need there, or they are attuned to it, or they can pour their own feelings and troubles and fears and being and everything they have into it. You don't do this under the expectation that people will start to see you as sometimes almost a deity, whom everyone talks about, everyone looks at and looks to for something you don't know how to give.

Most people I know of who create art don't do it due to the result, but because of what it can give them, and gives them, how far it can reach. Take self-destrutive 'tendencies', for one. This is not something you can talk to somebody about and it will then be dealt with. You can tell someone something like this, but, even taking aside possible reactions, these are then still just words - they don't reach anywhere or 'do anything', and talking about these things does not change them being there, because such things go far deeper than words, and you can't 'get these things out' like that. It will still be there, and translating them into words does nothing about their intensity. Music, painting, what-have-you, on the other hand, reaches into these untranslatable deeper feelings, it can go there and reach there, and you can pour everything into that, let it take you over completely, and that's the only thing that does something. I spend many nights being unable to sleep from homesickness and that's such a deep yearning that nothing can reach it. Playing music, piano, guitar, whatever, is the only thing that means anything, then. I can pour all my love for home, the extent to how much I miss it, the desperation of missing it, into the music and into what I'm playing, without needing to think about what I play, or what to do, in a way that I never could with language, because saying 'I miss home' will always be just words. It won't do anything, or help me manage, or help me cope. Emotions are often and generally always like this, because emotions always go deeper than where we can go with a translation process (which is necessary to talk about them). Art, honestly, soulful expression would be a better term, goes places inside you that nothing else can, and those who have a need for this, will have something that is there for them, and helps them manage untranslatable things, that are just a part of you, and can't be dealt with or 'gotten through'.

People who 'create art' have a reason for doing so, and rarely is this reason 'I want a lot of people to look at me, and to me for everything I say, idolize me, worship me, put me on a pedestal, listen to every word I say, or even live for or through me' - and when this happens, anyway, when all eyes everywhere are suddenly on you, in a way no one ever asks for (and those who do can't understand the actual weight of this, prior to it hitting them), when people start telling you they would do anything for you, live for you, die for you, very few people are in any way prepared to handle this or even know how to deal with it, nor the incredible weight and pressure that comes along with all of this - especially not when art is something that often is a reaction to and expression of things that the artist themselves can't deal with in any other way, as well.
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