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Shadowgeist

Shadowgeist

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2021
Messages
38
Losing my family, the love of my life, feeling so lonely, being financially ruined, and too old to start over even if I wanted to. Which I don't! Too much regret and sorrow everyday, I can't bare it all. My mind won't stop reminding me of what I have lost. Only death will stop this madness.
 
Largeletters

Largeletters

Cursed
Joined
Jan 21, 2020
Messages
395
I don't know if these are reasons, or things that contributed, but here they are. My father was incarcerated for 7 years (from ages 4-11) and I could not see/speak/contact him at all during that time and once he got out my right to see him was constantly being yanked away (I was a minor at the time), I was bullied for my father's incarceration and other reasons in school, (when I was 10 a girl told me she wished I was dead, I was also hit numerous times and verbally bullied), began going to therapy on and off at age 4, attempted suicide at age 10, from ages 10-17 I was admitted to the psych ward 8 times (one time I was sexually manipulated by my roommate, other times staff treated me like absolute garbage), was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 11 and put on meds, gained a shit ton of weight when I was 12 so I ended up being a 200lb 12 year old, bullied cruelly for that and being a gay guy (got spit on and stabbed in the temple with a pencil), then I lost 70lbs in 7 months and developed anorexia, got into a narcissistic, controlling relationship with a girl despite knowing I was gay, etc.

I am now diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder/MDD, OCD, Unspecified Anxiety, and I'm sure there's other shit. So, that, and just a lot of trauma as explained above. Anyone who reads, thanks for listening to some of my sob stories, it's certainly not all of them.
 
Taki

Taki

Experienced
Joined
Jul 30, 2019
Messages
290
Shadowgeist said:
Losing my family, the love of my life, feeling so lonely, being financially ruined, and too old to start over even if I wanted to. Which I don't! Too much regret and sorrow everyday, I can't bare it all. My mind won't stop reminding me of what I have lost. Only death will stop this madness.
Ditto
Threw away my life, alone, no future. Really what other reasons are there?
 
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Gabriel.88

Gabriel.88

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
15
Well.. the only reason I don´t do it it´s ,because my dad passed away when I was born and now I´m left with my brother and my mom, so I feel like It would be so bad for a mom to have the same feeling again...
Atleast my mom has my brother left if I really ctb someday, pretty sure I won´t be alive before my 25´s so yeah..

The main reason I want to ctb, it´s because I wish I had the same feeling when I´m asleep.... and for yall who are reading this poast & want to ctb cause get bullied ,are fat/skinny,etc.. Just hit the gym, it doens´t need to be necessarily the gym, but just move/burn calories, do an martial art,etc.. Maybe you actually like it and prove them wrong by being their bully..It sounds agressive ,but thats the only way nowadays..

Peace, yall
 
blue_muse

blue_muse

Experienced
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
241
Disillusionment with life and how various people try wearing me down constantly. I don't expect society to accommodate me and I'm past trying to find my place within life.
 
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Gabriel.88

Gabriel.88

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
15
gymletethnicel said:
Because I am one of the most ugly men to have ever existed and everyone hates me because of how I look. This is also a reason why I am physically incapable of being in a relationship.
Do you think that's the key to forget suicidal thoughts? (handsomeness?) I think if you are not okay with yourself you will be worse with someone else.Of course handsomeness will give you confidence for a while,but once you get used to it ,you feel you should be better than everybody in therms of handsomeness..
So *NO* it won´t give you anything ,but just reasons to even care more about it and compare yourself with others..

There are more "ugly" dudes with hot girls than you think. So if you had in this moment all the handsomeness you always wanted and still had the mental that you got, I´m sorry, but nothing would change.

People usually tell me I´m handsome and look where I am...I would trade my handsomeness for lifetime happiness..

Peace,
 
Eire1992

Eire1992

Conducting an experiment on how it feels to die
Joined
Jun 7, 2021
Messages
27
I'm tired of feeling like my life is a facade. I'm just so tired of it all. You can only pretend to be ok for so long before it just grinds you down. The people I have, I love them. I truly do. But that doesn't make things better and I honestly don't believe it ever will or could. I'm so tired of pretending, I just don't have it in me anymore, I'm done. The only thing that lets me get up in the morning and put the mask of life back on is knowing that it will all come to an end in the not so distant future. I'm done being me and me is all I can be, so it all has to come to an end.
 
Amumu

Amumu

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 29, 2020
Messages
1,460
I lost my crush, I was disappointed with my exams, I'm a nihilist, I've got depression, social anxiety, no girlfriend and no friend, I've got problems with my teeth and my jaw, I've had severe insomnia, now it seems I develop severe OCD as well. Too much neuroticism for me.
 
Gabriel.88

Gabriel.88

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
15
Amumu said:
I lost my crush, I was disappointed with my exams, I'm a nihilist, I've got depression, social anxiety, no girlfriend and no friend, I've got problems with my teeth and my jaw, I've had severe insomnia, now it seems I develop severe OCD as well. Too much neuroticism for me.
1-Crush today, hoe tomorrow.
2-It´s just papers..You won´t get a worse/better job in the future, for a simple paper.. Relax
3- For what I have searched , I think you just should distract your self with things you like to do :p
4-Well I think I have it as well, but I don´t feel it anymore, cause I distract myself all the time.
5-I have social anxiety too ,but you gotta start thinking like (fuck it, I don't care), we are so insignificant why would you stress about someone looking at you, just look back ,fuck off .I´m still a loner ,but I like it(90% of the times I prefer to be doing things I like to do things alone :p, just get hobbies!)

6-I don´t have a gf/friends as well, so what?Why do you even need it? To be cool? To have pleasure? No thanks, you should try to spend your dopamine in something else, and if you really want to have friends, you should be okay with yourself firstly!
7-You could try to have braces, if that would make you happier..In physical appearance, we all have things we don´t like it, don´t mind about your jaw
8-If you were really diagnosed with that, you should get some help

Peace,
 
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Amumu

Amumu

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 29, 2020
Messages
1,460
Gabriel.88 said:
1-Crush today, hoe tomorrow.
2-It´s just papers..You won´t get a worse/better job in the future, for a simple paper.. Relax
3- For what I have searched , I think you just should distract your self with things you like to do :p
4-Well I think I have it as well, but I don´t feel it anymore, cause I distract myself all the time.
5-I have social anxiety too ,but you gotta start thinking like (fuck it, I don't care), we are so insignificant why would you stress about someone looking at you, just look back ,fuck off .I´m still a loner ,but I like it(90% of the times I prefer to be doing things I like to do things alone :p, just get hobbies!)

6-I don´t have a gf/friends as well, so what?Why do you even need it? To be cool? To have pleasure? No thanks, you should try to spend your dopamine in something else, and if you really want to have friends, you should be okay with yourself firstly!
7-You could try to have braces, if that would make you happier..In physical appearance, we all have things we don´t like it, don´t mind about your jaw
8-If you were really diagnosed with that, you should get some help

Peace,
Fuck. Pro life. You don't know me at all, just the fuck up. Your comment is disgusting and invalidating.
 
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Bullit

Bullit

Experienced
Joined
May 6, 2021
Messages
257
I am so goddamn miserable. Just sick of this. It seems I have to endure hell for some indeterminate time til I can call it quits!
 
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K

karel1987

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
32
Panic Disorder, anxiety and depression
 
T

the_final_countdown

Specialist
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
339
Very low quality of life caused by severe health problems.

It’s frustrating because I’ve solved so many other problems in my life.

But I can’t solve this one.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
14,797
Because it would genuinely be doing the world a favor.
 
Amumu

Amumu

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 29, 2020
Messages
1,460
Gabriel.88 said:
Okay ,my bad ,I was just trying to help....
If you want to help, go in the recovery section. Here we talk about suicide, we don't invalidate other feelings.
 
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J

Journeytoletgo

Specialist
Joined
May 14, 2018
Messages
331
Being below average in looks, and no sociability, and also my past mistakes with guys, and trauma from physical and verbal abuse in my teens
 
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OceanBlue

OceanBlue

Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2021
Messages
18
So many.. lol.

I hate being held captive by my flesh prison, some kind of moving object filled with red liquid with moving appendages.. very bizarre daily experience.

Lack of free will - we just observe our brain's thoughts and decisions, another prison within prison.

Disability - has a way of making life even worse.

The daily possibility of dying or being hurt unexpectedly, I hate this element of surprise.

And meaninglessness of it all, witnessing people struggle and suffer for nothing.

I also hate animal suffering in the wild, this place is just wrong.
 
Una

Una

Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
Joined
Feb 28, 2020
Messages
85
Because it is one of the only two things left; write or die. If I cannot put it down to words, I will kill myself. There. I have said it.
 
insanedoomer

insanedoomer

Zé"HaZarD
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
133
IwishIwasAttractive said:
I saw this tweet that said "my thoughts before anything: maybe if i wasn't ugly" and i was shocked by how real it was. being ugly my only reason.

whats urs?
never had a life ! + manipulated by alot of parts , being a victime and a Targeted individual .
 
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Victoria

Victoria

Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2021
Messages
28
Because I feel I was born broken. Certain mental health conditions are hell to live with, I can’t form relationships, I can’t maintain bonds with friends. I’m just tired and want to rest.
 
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KadathianStr1d3r

KadathianStr1d3r

Shattered Mannequin
Joined
Nov 21, 2018
Messages
203
Its the resentment against the mistake that is both the existence of I and the inherit flawed state of my species. My blood is complete poison and I fear greatly of myself of the things that can come out of me that will inevitably lead to me poverty. I live in an inhospitable land called America and this is where the best yield of the poison blood takes root. I don't believe in the practical idea that my suicide should be randomly done in a random place but in ritualistic kind of way to ensure that I exit this vile life properly in the most benevolent of manners.
 
Efilismislife

Efilismislife

Any1 know about phenobarbital? Please pm/reply :'(
Joined
May 25, 2021
Messages
290
because i dont have any other option.
i dont habe a life cant live anymore running out of time
I have all the reasons too
my life is ruined, because of abuse and disease
Yet im questioning why cant i?:ohh:
 
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