J

Journeytoletgo

Elementalist
May 14, 2018
845
I am very hesitant now, I'd rather not wait until summer 2019 to do it, I think it will be sooner or later I will have to make that choice,

Be responsible and pay off a debt VS do it and have my parents send a death certificate for loan forgiveness


Everyday is emotional and psychological torment and hell. I honestly don’t think I am going to make it to my exact set date. I think I will do it sooner than what I believed for myself. I think that is okay. I just want to leave when everything is clear however it’s so hard to go everyday like this.


Anyone else holding off for a set date exactly? How do you find the strength everyday?
 
U

(unspecified)

New Member
Jun 8, 2018
3
i'm holding off until august, because my brother will be getting married next month. i have, frankly, no goddamn clue how i'm going to get through this. mostly, i have been getting to distract myself long enough to get through the day. i really relate to the feeling of every day, knowing that you have to wait to kill yourself, being absolute hell.
 
J

Journeytoletgo

Elementalist
May 14, 2018
845
i'm holding off until august, because my brother will be getting married next month. i have, frankly, no goddamn clue how i'm going to get through this. mostly, i have been getting to distract myself long enough to get through the day. i really relate to the feeling of every day, knowing that you have to wait to kill yourself, being absolute hell.

I know exactly what you’re enduring. I don’t know if I can bare. Just as you stated “ I have, frankly, no goddamn clue how I’m going to get through this”, this is how I feel exactly!

How do you even find the strength to go a Day? When you hate every minute, second and hour.

I have a calendar in which I cross off everyday. Maybe that makes it a lot worse, my will to live is slowly fading. I mean eventually I will wake up and that day will be there where I know today is it, I just keep dreaming of that day yet I know it’s a year away. I know there are ways to cope however, when you’re depressed mildly even simple task such as getting up to get something to drink from the refrigerator is torment.


It’s a perpetual constant thought throughout my head daily, I can’t bare it. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Btw thanks for your reply,
I wish you the best and peace
 
skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
I'm waiting until August because of some plans I have with someone I care about. I don't know how I find the strength everyday. In my opinion it's not even strength at this point, it's just that I have to be here. I get through each day by just trying to distract myself with mindless entertainment like TV or video games. I couldn't imagine having to wait a whole year. I know what you mean by everyday being difficult.
 
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chronicpainnomore

chronicpainnomore

Not Circling the Drain Anymore
May 31, 2018
310
Is it stupid I kinda want to wait for the last Star Wars? I mean the whole reason I want to CTB is to escape this physical pain doctors will no longer give me the meds for. But I really want to see Star Wars because I'm really a big kid.
 
anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
I do not have a date and I do not want to put it in. At least until I have a method that gives me enough security.
 
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Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
Is it stupid I kinda want to wait for the last Star Wars? I mean the whole reason I want to CTB is to escape this physical pain doctors will no longer give me the meds for. But I really want to see Star Wars because I'm really a big kid.

Not as stupid as me waiting for a pink panda shirt that says "The Struggle is Real" to be delivered. lol
 
chronicpainnomore

chronicpainnomore

Not Circling the Drain Anymore
May 31, 2018
310
Not as stupid as me waiting for a pink panda shirt that says "The Struggle is Real" to be delivered. lol
I have no idea if I'll make it that long. I think I'll be setting a date sometime this summer and CTB on that date. I wish I could meet up with someone else with the same plans and CTB together. Not a pact so much as just not wanting to CTB alone.
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
I have no idea if I'll make it that long. I think I'll be setting a date sometime this summer and CTB on that date. I wish I could meet up with someone else with the same plans and CTB together. Not a pact so much as just not wanting to CTB alone.

I feel you. It's hard to be so completely isolated in one of the most important, and possibly most tragic, events in your life. If you really want to see it though, maybe you should. You'd have more time to spend with your family too.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I wait because I have to.

I find strength to keep going by focusing my mind on things such as learning (drawing), random personal projects and video games.
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
I have no idea if I'll make it that long. I think I'll be setting a date sometime this summer and CTB on that date. I wish I could meet up with someone else with the same plans and CTB together. Not a pact so much as just not wanting to CTB alone.

If you don't want to die alone, you might want to look into this:
http://www.finalexitnetwork.org/Exit-Guide-Services.html

They provide an "exit guide" service for people with medical issues. (You don't have to have a terminal disease, but you do have to supply medical records to get approved by their medical committee.) They use the nitrogen method, and they stay there with you during the last act, sort of like a priest.

Here's an article about them:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sns-health-right-to-die-story.html
 
wanttodie

wanttodie

Enlightened
Apr 19, 2018
1,322
If you don't want to die alone, you might want to look into this:
http://www.finalexitnetwork.org/Exit-Guide-Services.html

They provide an "exit guide" service for people with medical issues. (You don't have to have a terminal disease, but you do have to supply medical records to get approved by their medical committee.) They use the nitrogen method, and they stay there with you during the last act, sort of like a priest.

Here's an article about them:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sns-health-right-to-die-story.html
thanks for posting this
 
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icky

icky

Member
Jun 14, 2018
46
I feel like a weenie for saying so but I literally only stay not-dead for my mom. When I was a kid, I used to ask her about what she'd do if I died. She hated those questions but I was probing to see if I had even a modicum of chance at checking out guilt-free. It's all very odd considering my atheism - corpses can't feel guilt.

I've decided to let her pass first but she's a very vital woman despite her emotional fragility. Sometimes I consider reconsidering. Most days I can't bear the thought of "few more years" so the prospect of "a few more decades" sounds like sheer torture.
 
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G

goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
I feel like a weenie for saying so but I literally only stay not-dead for my mom. When I was a kid, I used to ask her about what she'd do if I died. She hated those questions but I was probing to see if I had even a modicum of chance at checking out guilt-free. It's all very odd considering my atheism - corpses can't feel guilt.

I've decided to let her pass first but she's a very vital woman despite her emotional fragility. Sometimes I consider reconsidering. Most days I can't bear the thought of "few more years" so the prospect of "a few more decades" sounds like sheer torture.
Snap absolutely snap
 
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